Archive for October 21st, 2005

Who let Bob Barker in Here?

This place is like a game show today, and I have no idea why.

First Round – Memes for All!
I’m sure you’ve seen this meme elsewhere… you google (yes, it’s a verb! and I’ve de-capitalized it!) your name and the word “needs,” and you post up the first 10 or the most weird. I’m not sure how that part of it works, so I’m just going with the funniest. Here’s what “Kathy needs”

1. Kathy needs …a nap
2. …to fix (primtrk table for histograms–whatever the hell that is) (I swear I’m not making this up)
3. …advance notice
4. …Eating In
5. …to stick to lower risk funds
6. …to take advice
7. …to somehow ruin her squeaky-clean image in order to seem like less of a threat (I have a squeaky-clean image? And I’m more of a threat with it?)
8. …to enter it to the system (someone set us up the bomb? (warning: animation & sound))
9. …a hug
10. …a four to beat Sharon
and my very favorite,
11. …her gays more than ever.

Thank you for playing the You Need Meme! Prizes will be distributed at the desk, be sure to ask for Carl.

Second Round – Bathmat Construction!
Ms Titanium Rose (whose ScarfMe scarf is currently eating my brain but will be done and in the mail by November 5th if it kills me!!) asked about the t-shirt bathmat, so I decided to give a photo demonstration. We’ll see how that goes. (click photos to embiggen [- a word I cannot take credit for, but whose provenance I have forgotten. Provenance.])

First, find a batch of old t-shirts (I’m not sure how many, because I’m still working on mine. At least 7. That’s a good number.).
Second, prepare the victim!

Cut across just below the armpit part…

Like so.

Now, take your orange-handled scissors (you have some, I know it) and cut the hem off. Cut it right off!

(The hem being cruelly taken from its family, the shirt)

Here we see the first cut into the t-shirt. Cut at an angle or slope (think on-ramps on the highway) and continue cutting around the shirt in a spiral. Around and around and around. This will take a while. Wine is helpful. So is Sex and the City.

Here are the strips, joined together in holy stitchimony. Join with a square knot and a kiss, and crochet away!

Basic Pattern
ch however wide or long you want your bathmat to be.
sc in ea ch across until the bathmat is as long or wide as you want it to be.
weave in ends.
sip wine while in bathtub; let feet enjoy cozy cotton when you’re done!

Prizes for all who complete an actual bathmat and send me photos. Be sure and ask for Carl.

Other Random Trivia Round!
Congratulations, you’ve made it to the Babblings lighting round! Here I’ll discuss nothing of particular value, and you get the chance to tell me how valueless it is! Everyone wins!

1. Pekin Insurance (Beloved’s carrier) just now started covering the Pill. Just now. Late 2005. Wankers. But what can you expect from a company based in a small rural (that’s rural spelled “c-o-n-s-e-r-v-a-t-i-v-e”) town whose high school mascot was, until the late 1960s (and possibly the early 1970s), the Pekin Chinks. (I am only using this word to illustrate the dumb-ass nature of the past. You will never see this word here EVER again).

2. I always forget how hard it is to teach beginner crochet when the students come in expecting to leave that very night with a sweater.

3. Bedazzling seems to be back, but only if you pay sixty bucks to let someone else do it. On a related note, pants for women seem to come in either Too Tired to Care (elastic waistband) or Whore (1.5-inch zipper, top-of-thong-showing low riders). Both come Bedazzled.

4. I just saw my friend Elasa. She is charming and funny and happy and smart and sweet. She might join us for Sit-n-Stitch (I told the Internets! You have to do it now!) Hahahah!

5. I finally got in touch with my Navy friend. He wrote a one-sentence response, the bastard.

You made it to the end! Now you get to spin the wheel of fish!
Prizes for this round can be found in the comments section of the show. Be sure and ask for Carl.

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