1. Have the server that holds the circulation module for all the libraries (20+) in your system come crashing down sometime over the weekend. Do not attempt to solve this problem or even notify affected libraries until Tuesday morning.
2. As a library patron, refuse to believe that anything is wrong and take it out on the library staff. Because we only live to annoy. Alternately, call to ask what is wrong with your record and spend the next five minutes telling me that you won’t keep me, that you know I’m very busy, and that you will check your record tomorrow. Repeat at least three times.
3. When you find and fix a problem with the ancient AC system in the library on Tuesday night (a problem due to which the AC has been turned off), neglect to turn the AC back on so that library staff are overheated and sweaty as they try to catch up with the backlog of books when the server comes up. Extra bonus points if the books start to mold.
4. As my co-worker, tell me “I’m not officially here” when I try to tell you, 2 minutes before your shift begins, what is going on with the giant mess at the circulation desk when I am trying to leave for my lunch break.
5. Ask me how my wedding plans are going. Beware the rusty knives I throw in your direction as I run screaming away from you.
6. Be sure to leave me the car with the least gas. Extra bonus points if the “low fuel” light comes on.
7. Skip your normal workout session because you have left all your wedding invitation putting-together-stuff till the very last minute. Grumble because you think your dress won’t fit or that your arms will still have that tricep jiggle. Stop grumbling because really, this is your own fault. Remember that you are crocheting a shawl for your wedding day and it will hide a multitude of sins. Rejoice.
Edited to add:
8. Check out a book from us. Allow your cat to urinate all over it. Decide not to confess your blatant irresponsibility and own up to the fact; instead, cover the offending odor with equally offensive perfume. Hope we don’t notice.