To commemorate today, the anniversary of my birth, I am going to have my annual exam and hear those words that make women everywhere shudder: “Scoot your bottom down to the end of the table” and “relax your knees” and “this may pinch a little.”
Oh, and “speculum.” That one’s a total bastard.
I believe I have mentioned my reasons for going, even though it’s my birthday and I should by rights be having a lovely day at a spa somewhere drinking a mango-starfruit-wheatgrass smoothie and getting a massage from a man with the slow hands named Sven. Oh well.
Because it’s what I do to make sure I go to my annual exams, I treat myself to something nice or fun or tasty after every year’s appointment. Today I’m going to eat lovely Indian food with my husband at our favorite restaurant, possibly get a massage with a $10 off certificate (though Sven isn’t on the agenda, more’s the pity), and visit a LYS hitherto unknown to me. (I get all three nice and fun and tasty things because today is also my birthday. So there.)
No, I haven’t fallen off the KFYS wagon — perish the thought. Perish it, right now. I got a gift certificate from my FIL and step-MIL for belated Christmas. See:
And I have to use it soon, or it shall expire (perish, even) and I shan’t have the bounty due to me. Shan’t.
Anyway, this particular LYS called Yarn Sellar doesn’t have a website. There is a website for a store called Yarn Sellar but that’s in Maine. Obviously my in-laws didn’t hoof it to Maine to get me a gift certificate. Obviously, especially if you know them. Wanda knows them. Hi Wanda! (My sister-in-law)
Okay, what now? (perhaps this would be a good time to tell you all that I’ve been drinking throughout the entire time of my birthday so far (it’s 12:30am now) and started YESTERDAY for I am a monster at the drinking. There may be a little loss of point and also of typing ability.) Yes. The LYS. I’m going and I’m going to spend the entire thing on yarn which will not count against me. Because it is my birthday, and because I will have experienced the Speculum Of Doom.